To summarize: Tug of war dealing with practicalities of life that can be explained versus the spiritual aspect and beyond that I have no control over or that I cannot comprehend. knowing that my time on this earth is short, what exactly is my purpose in the flesh versus life if there is such a concept after death. Is it wishful thinking? At this point in my life, my appetite has grown to better know myself and to open my heart to what’s possible.